AddaptAbilities » anxiety

Math-tested. Sigh.

Addy — Fri, 14 May 2010 02:39:32 +0000

At the moment, I’m in the middle of an application process for a public sector job. In spite of the fact that this is work I’ve done before, and work I’m eminently qualified to do, I might lose out on it for stupid bureaucratic reasons.

Like a lot of public sector jobs, this one requires applicants to take an exam; and like a lot of exams, this one had math on it. I was extremely anxious beforehand — on the drive over, the music running through my head was the Confutatis from Mozart’s Requiem. My hand shook the entire time I was taking the test. And after all that effort, I’m probably screwed anyway.

I promise my next post will involve something other than whining about my job search.

SquidNews! I won the “Animals and Nature” contest at WiWon.

Addy — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 20:34:55 +0000

Last week over at Well-Ordered Chaos I wrote about perfectionism and ADD. I had spent 20 hours writing a lens for a Squidoo contest, even though I deliberately picked a topic that I thought would be easy and quick.

Well, my perfectionism was not in vain, because I won the contest! Yay! You can check out my lens here.

What is it with ADD and perfectionism anyway?

Addy — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 16:00:13 +0000

Yesterday at Well-Ordered Chaos I blogged about heading out the door, needing to catch a train, and realizing literally at the last minute that I needed to set out donations for a pick-up. Even though I was successful — I set everything out, taped signs to it, and even made my train — I noticed I was cursing myself for the mistake.

I’ve been reading about time management lately. One thing that keeps coming up in time management advice is to let go of perfectionism. In the literature that’s specific to ADD, it’s noted that lot of folks with ADD are perfectionists. And I just gotta ask myself, WTF?

Seriously, why do we do this to ourselves? We’re at a clinically demonstrable disadvantage when it comes to getting places on time and having out sh*t together. Why do we make it worse for ourselves? Is it hyperfocus? Is it a neurological inability to let go? Is it something to do with the “right-brained” nature of ADHD? Are we predisposed to be creative divas?

Or is it a learned response to all the years of being told we’re not good enough?

Whatever the reasons, it’s crippling and I wish I could stop it.

Canada’s with me

Addy — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 16:00:25 +0000

: Rickie Sugars is glad the study proves a link between learning disabilities and poor mental health.

I have no idea when this story ran in the Vancouver Sun, but it’s worth a look. The Learning Disabilities Association of Canada has released a study on the long-term effects of undiagnosed learning disabilities. The results? Lasting psychological harm.

I can certainly attest to this. My LD went undiagnosed until half way through my junior year of college. By that point, I was at a top-20 liberal arts college, surrounded by people who were able to do the assignments AND the reading for all of their classes, and my self esteem was not only in the toilet but flushed into the sewers. Since my disabilities are in areas that are the focus of most entry-level professional jobs (paperwork, scheduling, filing, and occasionally light bookkeeping as well) I essentially have no career to speak of.

As a result of this, I’ve been diagnosed with major depression and dysthymia, anxiety and panic disorder, stress-related asthma, and even a heart condition. It’s taken my whole adult life to come to terms with this. I have had to rebuild myself from my foundations. In short, friends, it has sucked, and it has sucked mightily.

Mad props to LDAC for taking this issue seriously, and for getting the word out.