Former College Professor Charles Boas Putting on Makeup For New Job as a Circus Clown
I can’t quite believe it. I just landed a real live grown-up office job. The first such job I’ve ever had in my life.
I start tomorrow.
The job involves customer training and support, so it builds on skills I already have from my many years of teaching and customer service. Intellectually, I know I can do the work.
Emotionally, however, I’m panicking. I feel sure that somehow, I just won’t be able to hack it. That I don’t have what it takes to do the work. Or that all my efforts over the past couple of years to contain my ADHD will suddenly evaporate, and I’ll become horribly disorganized again, and get fired. Or maybe they’ll find out I can’t do math (which is not involved in my job in any way) and fire me for that. In any event, something has to be seriously wrong with this company, because they hired me, right?
The worst part about the last thought is that I can’t even tell myself it’s completely irrational. I have a history of choosing the wrong places to work. There was the job where my boss lost interest in the company (she was the owner) and stopped coming into work herself — though I was still expected to read her mind when she had her sudden fits of industriousness. There was the place that ran out of money and just stopped paying its employees. And then, of course, there were all the jobs where the work environment was exploitative or outright abusive.
I’m trying to stay calm. Just because I fear these things does not mean they will come to pass. I’m also reminding myself why I applied for this job in the first place: it’s a small company that offers an innovative product for which there is a need. Moreover, I understand the need for the product, and I understand the product’s customer base. The fact that the company is small means that each employee is in a position to influence its direction moving forward. Finally, the job itself draws upon my skills and strengths — I’ll be using my ability to break a concept down and explain it in clear language. For the first time in my life, I’m looking at a steady job that engages my mind.
Wish me luck.
Talk To Me