Dyscalculia, Dysgraphia, and Unemployment

I haven’t been posting a lot lately.  Partly this is because of the amount of time I’ve had to spend reading job listings, filling out applications, tweaking resumes, and trying to write cover letters that aren’t don’t sound like total BS.

Partly, it’s because I’ve just been too depressed.  I feel like if I write about what my life has bee like lately, I’d just be whining, and I should be trying to be chipper and cheerful and all that crap.

But then I realized, this is a blog about adult learning disabilities.  Life with adult LD sucks sometimes.  And seldom does it suck more than in the area of employment.

So here goes.

Back in March, when my husband was offered his exciting start-up opportunity that involves a significant pay cut, my plan was simple: I’d go back to my previous job, which wasn’t that exciting, but was a decent place to work, and I’d put in a bunch of hours there while looking for something that paid better and was more in line with what I’d actually like to do with my life.

It seemed like a good plan, because every time I’d been into the store where I used to work, my former boss had said that he’d love to put me back on the schedule.  It sounded like a done deal.

So I applied there.

And then I waited.  And waited.

And then I called them about my application, and it turned out that there had been some changes in the management staff, but I landed an interview.  I was told that my previous employee evaluations looked good, and that they could probably use me, but I should call back in a week to follow up.

So I did.

And I was told that they hadn’t made their decision yet, and I should call back in a week.

So I did, and I was told that they hadn’t made their decision yet, and I should call back in a week …

And it went on like that for about six weeks, at which point they decided to go with someone else.

Which is fine, I guess, but did they really have to string me along for six weeks?  And actually, it’s not fine.  It’s a bit of an ego blow to get turned down for an incredibly boring, menial job that I worked for five years; a job that I can do in my sleep; a job for which the company would not even need to train me.  I had pretty good evaluations at that place — and if they won’t hire me, why the hell would anybody else want to?

A few weeks after that, one of my applications actually got a nibble, and I was asked in to interview.  It was a tough interview, what I later found out was a “behavioral interview“, that began with the interviewer pressuring me to disclose “things I didn’t like” about my previous management.  I was caught off-guard, and since I was totally unprepared for that kind of interview anyway, I totally bombed it.  I know I bombed it because I received an email form letter less than 24 hours later telling me they’d decided that “another applicant was a better match for their needs” — this after they’d told me the day before that they were still interviewing a lot of people, and wouldn’t be making a decision until mid-June.  They didn’t know who they liked, but they knew it wasn’t me.  Ouch.

And all of this is on top of my ongoing problems with employment — the fact that I was never able to land an entry-level professional job, because the skill sets for all of those jobs are in the exact areas in which I am learning disabled.  Administrative assistants have to be organized and able to prioritize.  They need to keep track of other people’s schedules and contact information.  They need to know where everything is, and often they’re called upon to do light book-keeping.  Try doing that when you have dyscalculia, dysgraphia, and ADD.

Lest you assume that my problems are simply psychological, that I’m psyching myself out, let me state that my problem is not that I haven’t tried doing this sort of work.  I have.  I have tried, and I have failed, and I have gotten fired.

What kills me is that when I describe this situation to friends, they often tell me, “Yeah … you really need to be at a high enough level so that someone else is doing that work for you!”

Great!  That helps so much!  But I can’t be at a high professional level, because I can’t get my frakking foot in the door.

So I have been stuck doing retail and customer service, and all kinds of informal teaching in the arts, and at a time like this that just isn’t good enough.  My work history is all over the place, and I’m competing for jobs with people who have been focused and successful.  I hate the kind of work I’ve been doing, but I don’t know how to dig myself out.  I’m smart, I’m competent, and I learn quickly; I’m a good problem solver, I’m analytical, and I write well; and I turn 35 this month, and I still don’t know how to work around my learning disabilities.